I remember our last day started at that small bookstore in Kwitang Minisha had been wanting to visit ever since she watched Ada Apa Dengan Cinta, dulu cuma wacana karena kita sibuk dan sempet lost contact nggak jelas, sampai akhirnya kesampean—her “dream date,” katanya sambil senyum kecil, and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed, we joked, picked random books, acted normal, tapi tiap jeda obrolan tuh kerasa banget ada yang beda, that unspoken tension we both ignored, sampai akhirnya pas lagi duduk dia nutup bukunya pelan dan bilang, “kayaknya… kita nggak bisa sama-sama lagi, ya?” and I didn’t argue because deep down gua juga tahu, this came way too late, like we were trying to relive something that had already faded, so when we walked out, no drama, no fight, cuma dia bilang “take care” and left, and gua cuma bisa mikir… lucu ya, dream date yang akhirnya kesampean justru jadi hari terakhir kita.

I remember our last day started loud as hell di tribune DBL, gua sama Freesia teriak-teriak bareng, nyanyi, ketawa, she was so alive—type yang gampang bikin semuanya seru tanpa effort, and for a while gua beneran lupa kalo ada sesuatu yang off between us, it just felt right being next to her, tapi abis itu kita cabut ke Blok M, night ride santai, makan gultik pinggir jalan sambil deep talk, dan entah kenapa suasananya pelan banget berubah, dari yang heboh jadi terlalu jujur, sampai akhirnya gua yang bilang duluan, “I think we’re better off as friends,” trying to sound sure, and she just nodded, bahkan senyum dikit kayak dia juga udah mikir hal yang sama, no drama, no argument, everything felt… easy, too easy, tapi pas kita berpisah dan dia jalan duluan, baru kerasa anehnya—kok malah sepi, kok malah kosong, dan di situ gua sadar… mungkin kita emang harusnya jadi temen, tapi aneh aja, kenapa justru gua yang sekarang ngerasa kehilangan lebih dulu.

I remember our last day at Dufan was loud and chaotic, kita pergi rame-rame, lari wahana ke wahana, ketawa terus, and me and Hellen were just us—banter, saling ngeselin, kayak biasa, kayak nggak ada yang perlu dijelasin, padahal dari awal kita juga nggak pernah punya start yang jelas, and somewhere in between all that noise, kita kepisah dari yang lain, duduk berdua nunggu wahana, tiba-tiba jadi lebih sepi, more real, terus Hellen nanya pelan, “so… what are we?” and for once gua nggak bisa jawab apa-apa, because deep down we both knew the answer, we were never really anything, cuma dua orang yang terlalu nyaman buat lepas tapi nggak pernah cukup berani buat mulai, and that’s why it hurt pas akhirnya kita keluar bareng, no drama, no closure, cuma dia bilang “see you,” like it was just another day, and gua cuma bisa mikir… funny how we never had a proper start, so we didn’t even know how to end it either